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There are various points while raising my child where I noticed significant growth.

The first wake-up call I received was kindergarten; I sent my toddler to school and by the end of the year I had a little girl. The next growth spurt was middle school. Gone were the days of adult supervised latch key and now she and her friends hung out at the local library after school. There was still some adult supervision, but nobody prevented the kids from leaving or monitored them while off property. The third spurt was high school. This one came in two stages; the first when her friends started driving and the second when she started driving. While there are several apps that will monitor a phone’s location, as a parent I still wanted to give some freedom to make choices in a safe environment. On to the last growth spurt I’ve been privileged to witness – heading off to college.

As then end of her sophomore year approaches, I can reflect on the growth that has occurred without my influence:

• I no longer get the request to review an application for work but rather a phone call telling me she got a job.
• I no longer am making flight arrangements for her but rather getting a text of when she’ll be arriving with a request for airport pick up.
• I no longer share every holiday with her but rather hear about her Easter at a friend’s house.

All of these changes are bittersweet, I miss the planning but yet I’m so proud of how she’s taken responsibility in managing her own life. So how do I adjust to this?

First, I’m confident that she will make good decisions or at least have the resources to get through those decisions she may later regret. Remember all those little decisions in middle school and high school, those were practice for the bigger ones she’s faced with today and in the future.

I’ve learned to listen more than speak. I find if I open my ears, rather than my mouth, she’s willing to share so much more. I may follow up her stories with probing questions for more information and I see the excitement in her when I’m engaged and interested.

Patience has become my friend. It’s ok if we haven’t talked for a few days, she’s busy and whenshe has time she’ll reach out. There are even days when I get a text from her “haven’t heard from you ina while, everything ok”. So, I guess I’m busy too – which leads to my last point.

Plan now and find something to fill up the extra time you’ll have when they head off to college. If you still find too much time on your hands, here are a few ideas to keep you busy:

• Join the Parent and Family Council (PAFC)
• Learn a new hobby
• Go back to school yourself
• Volunteer

I chose both the PAFC and to continue my own education. The upside: now my daughter and I have study sessions together.